My Broken Pieces for His Masterpiece5th April 2018
Lost and wandering for direction, hoping for a purpose more meaningful than the mundane everyday routine that screamed there is more to life than this. People would compliment me from the outside that I had it all together and I would politely smile and say thank you, but they didn’t know how empty and worthless I felt. I had been broken into pieces by the chaos that divorce had left my family in, and I didn’t believe in love that lasted. I had watched something beautiful from my childhood being shattered by sin and unfaithfulness. I struggled with loving other people and most of all, loving myself. Running away, hurting my parents and friends and those who loved me were just some of the things that I regret. I didn’t know how a person so broken could be made whole again, or even if I was worth making whole again.
When the divorce happened, the first day hurt the most. The first day was trying to process that something that was for my whole life wasn’t anymore. But there was still hope. Maybe the pain will stop and I’ll get over it. But it wasn’t. When family breaks and relationships fail, what happens when the pain lasts for weeks and months?
Trust me, I tried. I tried to alleviate this pain by studying until I physically couldn’t think anymore, running until everything hurts or sleeping for as long as I could so that I wouldn’t have to face anything or anyone. When I couldn’t muster the strength to get out of bed, to pick myself up and start anew, God had already made a way for me, even when I didn’t believe in him.
One day, a passing invitation from a friend close to heart was God’s invitation for me to know him. Youth Rally was the very first time I had come to church. When I came here, they told me that there is a God who pours out His love on me, and that he will lead me through the pain and his grace can overcome anything, and I didn’t know how to take it all in.
I was used to pain and brokenness. But this God sees the messiest and untouchable parts of my life and still he decides that I am worth loving. On this night, I remember the tears flowing. The revelation sank in, that I’d never been forsaken, God had never let me out of his sight, that he has the power to heal and break the chains that have been holding me down so relentlessly. The freedom from brokenness I so desperately needed.
That night, I found hope in God. It wasn’t a miracle story. It was the slow and hard journey of learning to trust and love again. From the desert, God renewed me starting with a simple invitation.
This is your’s, will you say yes?